First Day in Ponyville
by Tafyapyap
Summary: Couch Potato, my ponysona, is a game obsessed unicorn who's assigned from Princess Celestia to visit Ponyville for one day to make some friends, which is something the hotheaded unicorn REALLY doesn't want to do. T for strong language.


**First Day in Ponyville**

**A/N: Whadup, everypony? So I tell about how my first day in Ponyville would be like. Also, my thoughts will be in Italics. T for language. Whatever****.**

Hello everypony, my name is Couch Potato. I'm just a dark blue-gray, dark brown eyed and haired unicorn who loves games alot. A whole fucking lot that I have a Wii cutie mark. So much that I barely go outside, which also means I have no friends. See, Princess Celestia let me live in her castle with her, and finds my game-loving a huge problem. So to solve this problem, she's making me stay in Ponyville for one day, with no games. THAT, pissed me off. So now I'm taking the carriage to Ponyville and the sunlight is so annoying since I hardly ever go outside. A while later I'm here, and I already want to go home. Everywhere, there were ponies of all kinds, loud and chattering away. I decide to check in the hotel first before anything. So I trot my ass over there, some ponies looking at me because of the enraged look on my face.

So I check in, which took forever, and it's pretty costly, too. Damn. Now to make some "friends~"... fuck this. I wasn't going to do it, so I tried finding a nice place to nap. I look all around the place, every area talking and loudness. So I keep walking and walking and **BAM! **A strong force crashes into me, sending me flying towards baskets full of apples at a stand. Everypony just looked, not even trying to help. Assholes. This one pony, however, helped me up. She was a light cyan pegasus with the weirdest color mane and tail in history; a rainbow color. She was also laughing real hard. "Buh ha ha ha ha, sorry about that, dude!" _You better be sorry, that hurt! _I tried my best to not lose it. I have to remember that I came here to make friends, not to hoof stupid dickheads like this. Besides, Celestia would scold me if I acted like a mean pony.

Somehow, I still managed to smile. "Oh, it's alright! I hope you're not hurt!" "Nnnope, I'm alright! Say, I've never seen a pony like you before, what's your name?" _What's your sexuality? _"My name's Couch Potato. Your mane is so colorful, I like it!" _I hate it. _"Thanks! It's awesome, like me! I'm Rainbow Dash, future Wonderbolt flyer!" _In your dreams. "_So what'cha doing in Ponyville?" _None of your fucking business. _"The Princess asked me to stay a day in Ponyville and make some friends, long story short." Rainbow Dick, I mean Dash, smirked and put her hoof _dangerously _close to my flank. _Do something, and I'll hoof you, I swear! _"Well you just met your first friend already! Lucky you, y'know!" She winked at me. _Okay, this pony I will NOT be alone with. _Then she said, "That reminds me of when Twilight Sparkle first came to Ponyville! Just like you, I met her by crashing into her. Funny, huh?" _No. Also, some "amazing" pegasus you are if you always crash into people, I mean ponies. And another thing, Twilight SPARKLE? Who the hell's that, some lesbian goth pony who loves vampires? _"HEY!" The apple stand owner looked pretty pissed. "Pick up my apples!" "Oh, um... gotta go!" Rainbow Dash flew at the speed of light out of there, leaving me with the mess. "Tch...cunt."

Now that I got that stupid shit out the way, I'll get me something to eat, I'm hungry. I heard about some sweets shop called Sugercube Corner. I does sound nice, I have to admit, but no way it could top my food in Canterlout. So I go inside and there cakes and many other delectables stacked in glass cases and let me tell you, it looked GOOD. I observe the goods until this face popped up out nowhere scaring the shit out of me! _Da fuck? _Then the face of this fully pink pony hopped over the counter and was centimeters from my face, looking at me with those piercing blue eyes. _Okay, seriously, what's going on? _"Hi there, welcome to Sugercube Corner!" _OH MY GOD, HER VOICE! _

"Oooh, are you new here, I've met EVERYPONY in Ponyville, but not you, unless I'm a forgetful- forgetfully- no memory pants!" _How about a obnoxious, hyperactive twit? _I already hated this one, too loud, too noisy, too energetic, not my thing. "Umm yes, I'm new here. I'm visiting from Canterlout for a day." "Well DUH, this fanfic is all about you having to reluctantly find friends because you have no lifey-wifey and you're actually a meanie pants!" _...WHAT? How did she? _I stood there completely shocked. How did she know all this, and what the hell she's talking about some fanfic? "And how do you know all this? Are you a stalker? "_Wait, did I just say that out loud? _"Nnnope! Anyway, I'm Pinkie Pie, and your Couch Potato!" I cringed. How does she know my name? First I meet a lesbian, and now a stalker? Is anypony is this fucking town normal?

"I'm not even going to ask how you know my name, but I came here to buy some food, so um...fuck off." The pink crack sniffer started laughing. "Silly, I work here! Here, want a cupcake?" _Cupcakes, no way, I HATE cupcakes! And NO, not because of that stupid ass fanfic either, I hated them WAY before I read that stupid shit. "_I hate cupcakes, no thanks." She gasped. "You hate CUPCAKES? That's not right! Here, try one!" _Didn't I just tell you I don't like them? _Non the less, she jammed one into my mouth, and... it was actually pretty good. I guess the ones in Canterlout were too fancy or somethin'. She could tell I liked it and brought me a bag full of 'em. "Here ya go, free of charge!" _Who said I was paying? _"Well, I'll see you tonight at the hotel, which will happen in the last paragraph!" _Last paragraph? What are- fuck it. _"See ya, STALKER PIE." And then I ran out of there as fast I could. There is seriously something wrong with this town, that's for sure.

So I look around to find a nice spot to eat these cupcakes when I come across this lonely cottage surrounded by trees, a bridge, and a stream. It looks pretty peaceful, considering what kind of town this is. So I sit down on the back of a tree and pick out a cupcake. It was delicious. Then before I know it, this bunny comes, takes a cupcake out my bag and runs! "Hey come back here, you little bitch!" It ran inside the cottage. _Stupid fucking bunny. _I swayed my hoof like "whatever" and continued eating. Then somebody was coming out the cottage, but it wasn't the bunny. It was a pastel yellow pegasus with a pink mane/tail with blue eyes. I had to admit, she looked adorable. "Umm... I'm sorry, I asked Angel to take a cupcake for me. I-I didn't want to look greedy by asking or anything..." _Oh, so it's better to make someone else take it for you? Yeah, some good thinking there. _"I don't mind if you want one. I've got a lot in here, help yourself." She smiled. "Oh, th-thank you so much! I'm sorry to eat your food like this." _Daaaawww, she's shy! I can't be mean to her! But wait... this is PONYVILLE, NOpony's normal here, no matter how innocent they look. _

So she sits down next to me and eats the cupcakes with me. Then I asked, "What's your name?" She looked away, keeping silent. "Umm... my-my name's Fl-Fluttershy..." _Huh? What did she say? _"Say that again? A little louder." "Fluttershy..." Okay, now I was getting irritated. "Please... tell me your godda- I mean, please speak up just a ton." She gulped. "Fluttershy!" _Jesus, is it really that hard to tell ponies your name? _"Well I'm Couch Potato! This is my first time day in Ponyville actually, so sorry for trespassing on your property." She shook her head. "Oh no, you're not trespassing at all! And... d-do you like this place?" _I like this place as much as a pony loves falling off/dying on a stage level multiple times on a video game. _"Umm... I guess it's alright, I mean some of the ponies here are, y'know, fucked up, but I guess that's normal for towns." "Yeah... oh, I was actually going to visit a friend of mine at the Carousal Boutique, do you want to come with me?" _No, but I don't have anything else to do. _"Umm, okay!" We had finished our cupcakes too, though she ate more than me. Fatass.

So me and her walked and talked together until we came across this big building which looks like it could be in Canterlout. I hope nighttime hits soon, so I can sleep then get out of here. We entered the place and there were dresses and suits and fashion things everywhere! "Rarity, I'm here!" "In a second, darling!" _Who was that? _Came down the stairs was a unicorn, like me, with a curly purple mane/tail with a white coat and was very beautiful. "Hello, Fluttershy-" She looked at me and did a dramatic gasp and looked at me with disgust. _Umm...okay? _"Dearie, what is EVER with wrong with your mane, ewww!" _What's wrong with my mane? At least it's not every color in the fucking rainbow. Rainbow Dash! _"It's so...messy and wild!" _Well I be on the couch all day, what 'chu expect? _I wasn't going to let this cunt talk about me. "Hey, I think my mane is fine. Whore!" Fluttershy gasped at my abrasive comment. Rarity, I think her name is, simply rolled her eyes. "Sweetie, I'm just being honest with you. Now come with me so I can make you look stunning!" _No, I'm outta here. _I turn to leave when a magic force takes control of me. I try using my own magic to try to repel hers, which starts to work, until Fluttershy glared at me, making me completely paralyzed.

I didn't get it. Something about that stare of her's was...powerful. Like no matter what the situation was, she could stop it an instant if she used that stare on the causer of it. "Thank you, Fluttershy! Now up the stairs we go~" I'm pulled up the stairs with her magic with Fluttershy looking at me with an apologetic look. _Now I've met a pegasus who's more than meets the eye. and an over dramatic whore. Just proves that nopony in this town is normal and I want to leave. NOW. _"Okay, now come with me!" She pulled me in this curtain and dressed me in many fashions, like something of royalty in video games. My mane was neat, too. "I, Rarity, made you look gorgeous! What is your name, darling?" "Couch Potato, I'm visiting Ponyville from Canterlout." "Wh-wh-wh-WHAT? YOU'RE from CANTERLOUT?" _Yeah, problem? _"B-b-b-but you looked so...uncouth! You don't even LOOK fancy!" _Am I gonna have to hoof a bitch? _Fluttershy could see the offended look on my face. She grabbed my hooves and started floating. "Umm... we should go, Rarity. See you later!" "See you later, dears! It was nice meeting you, darling!" _Hmph, can't say the same for you. _"It was nice meeting you too, Miss Rarity!" Fluttershy flew me out of there.

"I'm sorry, Rarity is very honest with her critiques. Maybe a bit to honest..." _You think? _Then came speeding down us was this rainbow blur and it stopped right infront of us. _Oh god, it's HER. _"Oh, Rainbow Dash, hello." "Yo, Fluttershy! Eh?" She saw Fluttershy was carrying me. She cracked a giggle. "Wow, if FLUTTERSHY can carry you, than you must be a total weakling!" _YOU KNOW WHAT? Never mind... _"Oh, umm... I have to go back to my cottage. Excuse me..." Fluttershy threw me and I landed in Rainbow Cunt's hooves. _Damnit, why didn't just put me on the damn ground? _She looked down at me. "THINK FAST!" "What-" And before I knew it, I was thrown with great strength, going through the air faster than a speeding bullet. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" I landed hard on top of grass. I shivered in pain. "Ugh... huh?" I saw I was on this hill with an overview of hundreds of apple trees.

"Wow...owch." My hooves and hindlegs were stinging like crazy. I decided, "fuck it" and just take a nap, until I look down to see a pony kicking trees. _Somepony's in a pissy mood, huh? _Turns out, she was kicking them so apples can fall in the basket! Speaking of apples, I'm hungry, so I use my magic to levitate 3 apples to me. I take a bite and it was a real juicy apple! So I devour those 3, levitate another 3 to me, and repeat the pattern like, I don't know, 15 times until somepony shouts, "HEY!" I jumped in surprise and to see an orange earth pony with green eyes and blonde pigtails right next to me. "I see you like the apples here! What's yer name, Sugercube?" _Suga wha? _"Couch Potato. Some rainbow pony threw me all the way here and now my body stings hard as hell." She thought for a second. "You must mean Rainbow Dash, that there darn trickster. Tell ya what, I'll carry you to a friend o' mine's house, but on the way, can you use yer magic to knock apples in the basket?" _I'm guessing this is for eating her apples... _"Okay, but I'm kind of hea-" She flipped me up and I landed on her back. _Why the fudge is all these ponies able to lift me? _"Oh, ma' names Applejack by the way. Well, here we go!"

Then she started trotting. On the way, I used my magic to put the apples in the basket, which felt like a minigame on a party games. Speaking of games, I want to get back to mine very badly, I can't take this town anymore. I mentally saw what time it was, 5pm, and the sunset was beautiful. Applejack spoke up. "Y'know, I don't think I've seen a pony like you before. You visiting from Canterlout or somethin'?" _Wow, what a lucky guess. Is she a physic? Another abnormal pony on the list. _"Eeeyup. I only came here because the Princess told me I needed to get away from the games." _Which is not cool. I was planning to beat "The Legend of Mare Da: Cutie Mark of Time" today! _

"Uh huh huh, poor you! I 'ave to admit though, getting a little sunlight won't you! I'm sure you'll be able to do what you need to do, like beat a video game or somethin'." _Ho-ho-ho-How did she know that? She really IS a physic, but atleast she's not like Pinkie Pie, ugh..."_ I didn't even notice, but we were here! It was a big ass treehouse. _Flutter Woods? The Great Shy Tree? _She went right on in, not even knocking. I like this pony. Turns out this giant tree was actually a library. Weird. Even more weirder was a small purple dragon that approached us. "Hey Applejack, hey, umm... Applejack's friend!" _Don't talk to me like that! _"Oh, umm... I'm Couch Potato, nice to meet you." "I'm Spike! I'm Twilight Sparkle's assistant!" _That name, I've heard it before, Rainbow Dash mentioned her about how she had to do the same thing I'm doing. Poor girl. _"Where's Twi' at, Sugercube? This feller here hurt dem' self and needs ta' be healed."

"Oh, she's upstairs! Right this way!" Applejack took me upstairs and then I saw her. A purple pony with purple eyes, dark blue-gray mane/tail with pink and purple stripes. _100% goth. _She was reading a book when she saw us 3. "Hi, Applejack-" She gasped when she saw me. I guess she saw my fucked up hooves. "Oh dear, what happened?" "My hooves... they hurt. Use a spell, please..." "Okay, just lay down on the bed." _Should I really let a goth do possible black magic on me? I've been through enough shit already. _"Looks like you got it from here, Twilight. See ya later!" "I'll be downstairs, Twilight!" _Don't leave me alone with this girl! _"Okay, hold on..." A pinkish red aura of magic glowed around her horn as magic spewed out of it and burst into me. "KYAH!" I jerked up in surprise. Eventually, my hooves and whatnot stopped hurting. "Done! So Princess Celestia sent you to Ponyville to make some friends, Couch Potato?" _Wait a second... I don't remember telling her my objective OR my name. _"Wait, how do you know tha-" "The Princess sent me a letter saying that somepony was coming. I guess because I had to do the same thing." _Sweet. Who cares. _"So do you like to read books?" _No. I'd rather be raped by Rainbow Dash than pick up a book. _"Books aren't really my thing." "Oh come on, don't knock it 'till you try it! Here, I'll read one to you!" _Oh, shit. shit, shit, shit. _

"Yeah, that's not necessary, so now I'm gonna go-" "Nnnnope!" She used a freeze spell on me and I couldn't move! Even my magic wasn't strong enough against hers. _Must be because I only use my horn to float things to me or use the controller. _She picked up a book and began reading. _Dear god, help me... _So i just sat there, listening to probably the most boring thing in the history of life. If I ever fell asleep, Spike would blow a flame at me, the nerve! Why the hell is a fire- breathing dragon live in a fucking treehouse anyway, won't it burn down? What was she thinking, smart pony my ass. 3 hours later (I'm not kidding), she was finally done. I was slowly losing my sanity. "And there we go! You're probably busy with some things, so I'll let you go!" _OH, YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS BUSY BEFORE?_! I swear I was seconds away from using a flame bomb spell to burn this damn treehouse down.

I stomped out the place and to the hotel. It was 8:00pm and the moon was risen by Luna. I was finally relaxed. Now the only thing I have to do is get some sleep and go back to Canterlout and NEVER come back to this place. I'm sure even hell is not as torturing and nightmarish as this place. I went inside my hotel room and all the lights were out for some reason. I turned on the light and instantly regretted it. 6 ponies came out and yelled "SURPRISE!" I stepped back in surprise. And to make matters worse, those 6 ponies were the ponies I met today, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight Sparkle. _Oh, fuck this... _I turned around to exit when Rainbow Dash flew over and blocked me. "Wohohoho there, you can't leave!" _I most certainly CAN leave! Watch this! _I used my magic to throw Rainbow out the way, only to be turned around by one of the unicorn's magic, have Fluttershy come up to me, and do that dreadful stare again.

My whole body froze up like last time and I couldn't move. Pinkie Pie bounce towards me, any closer to my face and we would bump foreheads. "Come party with your new friends, silly! We made this "Welcome to Ponyville" party just for you!" I still couldn't move. "Wh-what? But I live in Canterlout, CANTERLOUT! I only came here because Celestia told me to!" Then Applejack spoke up. "Umm, actually, Sugercube... this party IS needed because..." She looked at Rarity. "You live HERE now, darling! The princess said so!" I eye twitched in utter horror and shock. I hope to god she was just kidding, ooooh lord I hoped. Twilight floated over to me a letter. "Here's proof that Rarity's telling the truth. Read it out loud!" "Okay: "_**Dear Couch Potato, **_

_**I assigned you to go to Ponyville to make friends and then come back. While you were gone, I was thinking how you might not even come see your friends again or even come back to Ponyville, so I'm ordering you to live there. The girls will show you your new home with your things already there. Have a great time with your new friends!"**_

_**- Your former roommate, Princess Celestia.**_

I... was distraught. I can't believe the Princess did this to me. I was on the verge of tears as I fell down to my knees. Fluttershy rubbed my mane. "Isn't this great? You get to be closer to your new friends! I'm so happy..." _I'm not, I just wanna die... _Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight agreed. Rainbow Dash smacked my back. "You get to see more of your awesome friend Rainbow Dash! I'll show you all kinds of tricks!" _I'll show you a trick, too. It evolves my hooves to your face. _Pinkie Pie picked me off my knees. "Now that you live here, you can party with your best friends **FOREVER!**" _Hang around with these ponies... FOREVER? No, NO... _**"NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!"**

**END! :3 Well, that's pretty much what would happen if my pony self ever went to Ponyville. Of course, I don't hate the ponies, I love each and every one of them to death. Eeyup, I'm one weird Brony indeed.**


End file.
